Art Is Risk!

The world is changing and it's changing fast. But not fast enough for me. And I have got only two choices; either slow down my pace for it to catch up or move ahead without turning my back. I choose the later because I want to make my life an artwork.  And Art is Risk.

                                                                   ...           

If it's about taking out my phone in the middle of the street to click a photo because I know it's going to turn out great. It's about doing just that.

If it's about screaming on top of my lungs to let out my emotions. It's about doing just that.

If it's about showing off my ass in tight fitted jeans because I know it's going to look cute. It's about doing just that.

If it's about walking in 6 inch high leather boots because I know I can rock it. It's about doing just that.

If it's about colouring my hair in shades of blue because I really want to. It's about doing just that.

If it's about dancing anywhere anytime without any music or tune because it makes me feel happy. It’s about doing just that.

If it's about taking a day off from everything and curling up in my bed when I'm low. It's about doing just that.

If it's about wearing clothes I'm comfortable in rather than clothes that are in fashion. It's about doing just that.

If it's about speaking for what I truely believe in even though I'm all alone. It's about doing just that.

If it's about writing handwritten letters instead of texting someone because I feel it carries more value. It's about doing just that.

If it's about walking right past my bullies without any fear because I know their opinions won't affect my confidence.  It's about doing just that.

If it's about never giving up hope and being an unicorn(highly optimistic). It’s about doing just that.

If it's about having a vision board to remind me that there is so much left to be done in this life. It's about doing just that.

If it's about having an obession over a hobby and taking it to a next level because I simply believe in myself. It's about doing just that.

Life is short. Spend it wise. Don't wait for things to happen. Make it happen. Art is risk and life is an art. Not living it like you want to is the biggest risk of all.

                                                                    ...

My Fears...

                     I fear a lot of things. One too many things to even begin with.
      
                                                                ...

I fear anything that has more than four limbs. Spiders and cock roaches.
And things without any limbs. Snakes. And even things with four limbs.
I fear all insects. Excect perhaps butterfly, dragonfly and ants.
I think they're beautiful.

I do not have any fear of  the dark. But of what lies within that i can not see.
I've heard people say like "thing you're afraid of in the dark cannot see you either."
But I'm not willing to take any risk.

I fear heights and the feelings that I get standing on the top of something high.
That sudden urge to jump. Sometimes I do not trust myself.
I fear crossing roads. Once I've stood for 15 minutes on the other side before I actually took a step.
Only to take that step back.

I fear breaking the rules. I fear not being good enough.  I fear failures. I fear being the second best.
I fear writer's block. I fear one day, there might not be a tomorrow.
I fear little by little I'm loosing my essence. I fear little by little I'm loosing myself to depression.
I fear relationships. I fear a broken heart. I fear broken dreams and shattered hopes. I fear rejections.

I fear sheer amout of disbelief that people carry around me.
I fear that this water coloured world of mine  is slowly turning into the colour of tint.
I fear smiles turning to frowns. I fear ups turning to downs.
I fear my life has lost that spark. That it lacks that certain light.

I fear waking up with a dread, constant saddness by the days ahead.
I fear what i want and what I want to become.
I fear not being able to marry the person I love.
I fear not being able to start a family. (Oops! Sh*t got real deap)

But most of all. I fear that my fears will devour me.
That my obession of it will be the doom of me.
I fear not being fearless. I fear not living my life to it's fullest.
For I have so much to loose and so much to fear about,
I fear that one day I will not!!!

                                                           ...

Maybe Love Takes Time...

To all the hopeless romantics like myself...
                                                     
                                                                  ...
  
Maybe love is thinking about me while I'm writing this. Maybe love doesn't even know that I exist. Maybe our paths have already crossed and I have failed to recognise love. Maybe love is the distance future waiting for me. Or maybe love is on date with someone else, oblivious to me. I don't know...

The cliché question that every hopeless romantic like me asks to oneself is "Do I believe in love at first sight?" 

I cannot answer on behalf of others but for me... Probably Not! But i do believe in the feeling that comes along when I see that someone. That "heart pounding in my throat" kind of feeling that happens when i see love. But you see, there's a reason I say I do not believe in love at first sight. It's because I believe love takes time...

But first, what is love?
Maybe love is the invisible hand that tickles my belly and paints my cheeks red. Or maybe that's not love at all. Maybe it's just attraction, the strong kind. Because you just love the idea of being in love with them. Let's face it, you do not know anything about them besides the fact that they are hot. LOVE is too strong to describe what you're feeling right now.

And slowly love becomes a part of your life. Love keeps you awake all night. Love keeps you hanging dearly to your cellphone and your facebook. To describe in simpler way, love wrecks your sleep and makes you suffer from anxiety. But it doesn't matter because you're happy and that is all that counts.

So time passes... and with each passing day you get hold of your disorders. And one day you wake up without those insecurities that makes you cling to your phone and your facebook. When you spend more time with them,  you get to know more about them and you soon discover a part of them you never realise that they had. Maybe some good surprises. Or maybe some major flaw. Slowly but precisely you know love for who love is...

And then one day you wake up and realise that you love the person for who they are with all those imperfections  because you realise their  imperfections makes them who they are.

And then, after a longer while you realise that you love them. LIKE REALLY LOVE THEM not just "baby love" them. And the anxiety is gone. But a new feeling of content is there to take it's place. (But those invisible hands still tickles your belly.)

You don't know how and when these feelings grew this strong. You just know it did. Like it was yesterday when love arrived but it feels like you have known them your whole life. That between now and then something has changed. That you have changed. And you love yourself and love him/her for making you love yourself.

And so I realise maybe LOVE doesn't happen overnight. That LOVE takes time to build up through all those conversation and time spent together. Just like how strong foundation is required to build a strong house. I realized LOVE, it takes time... and that we should let it.

                                                                  ...