With words, I fell in love...

Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not escape from them. And yet what a subtle magic there was in them! They seemed to be able to give a form to formless things, and to have a music of their own as sweet as that of viol or of lute. Mere words! Was there anything so real as words.

Words, for him were more real than I. And this a story of the man who fell in love with my words. I have had a few compliments for my writing but no one compared to the way he put his words in his sentences that made me feel euphoric. I tell you, he was writer of his own in his paragraphs of words put together that made my cheecks flush red. Every word we exchanged was an explosion of it's own that felt like it formed another galaxy of it's own. My words, his words we created a story of our own.

He had a flair of his own kind in his use of his words that made my soul shiver. Every single kind words of compliment he threw my way, I went head over heels to catch them. He had swept my feet of the ground even before I had the chance to realize it. The ground I was standing on seem to dissappear. My universe limited to the lenght of his arms wrapped around my body. My sun become the warmth he provided. His eyes became the only stars I watched and wished upon. He became my home, my universe and every words I penned. He became my muse and I his.

But he was whore for words; words beautifully knitted into stories that kept him amused. Like whore to bodies, his transaction of words didn't limit to me. I was just another book he cherished in his shelves.

Then I felt, that I had given away my whole soul to some one who treated it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer’s day.

And now, there's a new a boy in town who whispers to the stars. Who's words do not fit the vocabulary of any kind. His words come as real as they are for his words are not mere words spoken, his words are hidden in his actions. And I'm in love with his words again!

Sins!

Heavenly, blissful, charming, sins
Souls trapped, flesh bones
Guilty pleasure, ugly pain
My very own sins.

Started how it ends,
Choosing miseries in vain.
Something beautiful, your lips
Something sinful, on mine.

Colourful us. Colourless them.
Sins, like tainted picture.
Lust painted mortal love,
Blood, wounds, scars, sins.

Frightening skies, unknown hills,
Long gone past, haunting,
Chasing foxes every green.
Living with ghosts, sins.

Stolen glances, fearful sins.
Eyes open wildest dreams.
Blood rushing with adrenalines,
Thoughtless actions, thoughtful sins.

Brave hearts, fearful sins.
Endless directions, chained wings.
Darling! My sweet darling,
You cherished, I sinned.

My first QnA!!!

So, this week I thought I'd do a Question and Answer blog. And I took on my Facebook account where you guys commened your questions. This is the result. I hope you guys enjoy it.

1. How do you stay Inspired every week without fail and also how you combat writer's block. (A syndrome I suffer from more often than not)?

♥To be completely honest, I have days where I just want to lay on my bed and do nothing. Laziness! Emotional breakdowns! Writer's block! Tiredness!  You name it. I guess I try to find inspiration in everything. But most importantly I try to find inspiration within myself. I have a bad habit of pretending to shut down my emotions when I cannot handle it and when I'm around people. So, when I'm all alone I let them flow. I feel every minimal emotions I have suppressed within me. (It gets real messy sometimes) And then I try to move on. I find it rejuvenating and in that moment I try to pin point why I wanted to go through it, why I wanted to do this or where I want my life to go. And when in that process of getting to know myself, I find inspiration.

On not so emotional days, I find inspiration in other people.

2. I love your writing honey ☺ You are great !! As you're new in the Blogging world .. Tell me what is one best and worst part of it ?? Let's see if our answer matches ☺

♥One of the best part of blogging is having a day to look forward to it. And when I stick to my commitments it feels GOOD! Wednesdays are not so boring anymore....waiting to post my blogs and seeing how people react to it. EXHILARATING!!!

One of the worst part would be ... i don't know.... I quite enjoy everything about blogging. It gives me reasons to write which I absolutely enjoy. But I guess falling short on my expectations can be here used as a part that I dislike.

3. What does my middle "Maijadh" mean?

♥Okay, so I recently changed my screen name on Facebook as Dhruba Maijadh Yonzon. "I actually don't have a middle name." Maijadh is my mother's name in our native language "Tamang". It means youngest love.

4. If you had a legit "god like" privilege, what would you change about yourself overnight?

♥hmmmm, Everything and Nothing! I, at some point in my life have hated myself, my body and everything about it. But I've also learned to love and adore it. I love myself. Me before you 😉 (P.s if you're into novels, you should read this. Me before you by jojo moyes)

Today I'm completely comfortable in my own skin and more than that I love my body and I love myself. Having said that, I've put on some tummy fat in the winter. Now, I have a rather bulging tummy. P.S It has also started to look and feel unhealthy. So, weeks of exercise or overnight miracle?  You've guessed it!!!

5. What classes do we have tomorrow?

♥ Dear Shreya Parajuli, since this post is for Wednesday. Tomorrow would be Thrusday. So, on thrusdays we have Legislative Principles, Procedural Law and Clinical Work. Just in case I have mailed you the whole weeks schedule.

6. What are the essential required for a writer to indulge there reader???

♥ To be completely honest. I'm trying to figure that out too. But I've received comment like "I love how your writing spoke to me. It felt like you were talking to me or sharing an incident like we were in person." So, I guess making your reader feel like there involved in the story in some way keeps them indulged. 

Thank you all for sending me your questions. Don't forget to hit the + button. Stay Blessed. Until next Wednesdays! Xoxo

What will you do with the BOX?

Dear you,

So today I feel like we need to have "the talk "

Don't worry we are not breaking up! I just have a nagging voice in the back of my head and I need to let it out. So hear me as I go.

Few days before while my friends and I were having lunch, my friend pointed out that I being a right handed was eating with my left hand. Later that day my mother asked me if I had hurt my right hand while we were dinning. Another friend of mine came to me and with perplexed face she claimed that to have never noticed that i was left handed. Not just confusing queries but few of them even made sure that they gave me a piece of their mind how I should stop with the pretence.

Well, I am for sure not a left handed. Also, I do not label my self as right handed. For most purpose in my daily routine and for almost all the time I do use my right hand. But I do use my left hand for various purpose occasionally. That day I just woke up with an hyper active left hand. That's all to it.

Not just about my preference in using my hands, people have scrutinised me many times for many different reasons.

But I believe or so would like to believe that I have never let it affect me in any ways. We live in a society where everything we do is some ways predetermined. Since we were little people have kept us inside a box of their choice. But the idea of a box itself for me seems unfathomable. And later forced us to THINK outside of it. (See,  how they still want us to be inside of it.)

You see, I believe you are who you want to be. No one  esle can describe you or know you as well as you do. You do not need to constantly be inside a box and act accordingly. Neither need to always think outside the of it. Just remove the thought of this society created box and let yourself breathe. What I mean to say is, do not define yourself just be yourself.

Be mysterious. Be hilarious. Be dull or utterly boring. Be what you feel like. You need not hold yourself back for the fear of society because society in itself is made up of individuals like you and I who are scared; Scared of being themselves, fearing that the society will reject them. So be cliché as you like or  uber spontaneous. Then again if you're both be both, if neither don't. Like I said, do not "pre-define" yourself just be yourself and let it define you along the way.

I still remember, once I said that I loved winter's sun. My friend told me everyone loved winter's sun. I need not claim it exclusively. But then again, why would it affect my judgement about me loving winter's sun. Let everyone love it or everyone hate it. Few love it or vice versa. It really doesn't matter to me you see. What really matters is that I love winter's sun. And I if I want to say it out loud......you've guessed it. I WILL.

Now, you take care and stay blessed! Xoxo

The Blessed Unrest!

My life has been far from perfect but I have a whole lot of privileges. And one the hardest thing I've ever had to do is accept and acknowledge my privileges. Because you see, I have always drawn my life equivalent to the one's in the magazine. Because even though I'm privilege in many ways I have felt short in many other.

I always have a war on going inside of me. The inner indecisiveness that doesn't have a compass pointing due north. So, maybe everywhere I look I'm drawn to point out what I lack rather to what I already have. The inner me fighting every moment to better than itself moments ago. It cringes at 10 years old me. It cringes at  me of yesterday. It cringes at today's me. And most probably it will cringe at tomorrow's me. The Blessed Unrest!

I can taste my own blood wounded in a battle fought by me with me. The war never comes to an end. But then again how does one achieve victory over oneself?

We live in society where we are taught to be satisfied in what we have. But then again, we are taught to work our hardest to achieve what we lack. Such contradictions! And I, as a part of that society am no different to others. And I am constantly caught in a battle where I have decide whether to strive for more every waking hour or be happy in whatever I have.

Do I enjoy the moment and be content or keep my mind sharp and scarifice my today for a better tomorrow? But then again, who says I can not do both? There is no shame in wanting a better life for yourself. There is nothing wrong striving for perfection and at the same time being content in what we are at now.

So I guess that is what The Blessed Unrest means. I'm happy in where I am today. It's just that tomorrow I wouldn't be.

Choices and Mistakes!

We cannot ignore the fact that we have been prepared by almost everyone we have met in our life. And what have we been prepared or warned about? Mistakes, wrong choices, and heart breaks. Every other person I meet seems to have differing ideas or opinion about it. How to tackle them, how to dodge them or simply how to get through them? But to what extent do they truly help us?

Choices; we make hundreds of choices a day. From when to wake up in the morning to what time at night to hit the sack it is all choices. Some choices are guided and shaped by our traditions. We wake up, brush our teeth, wash our face, and have breakfast and so on. We need not stress the flowing gray matters inside our brains for it. They are simply instinct based. But some choices drain us, because every day is not the same. Though yesterday and today might seem the same, it is not. Today might be similar to yesterday, but it is definitely not the same. As the options you have today may be similar to the options you had yesterday but the choices you make today may be different and so would be the consequences that follow.

I do have an option just like yesterday to go to school or to bunk. I do have the same underlying options basically six days a week, except of course for holidays. I would be a fool of thinking of going to school on a holiday. So, I need not think much, just like yesterday I will be going to school today too. Then again, there are choices that change our lives forever.  One split second and you are a different person; you cannot go back to where you were a second ago. Those are the choices that shake our ground our very foundation. Those are the choices that everyone warns us about all our life.

We do not reach out to touch the burning flame even though it shimmers beautifully in the moon light. Because we have been told fire burns and we can feel its heat even from a safe distance. But one cannot deny one self’s curious nature. We all have at some point in our early years sat down in the secrecy of our dark room with a candle burning besides us. We have held our palms on the side of the candle and realized it’s not as hot as we have been warned of. We have mused at our new found invincibility and have been amazed with the way the flame dancing with the waves of gush created by our little hands. We have then slowly put our tiny hands directly above the flame just to feel the hopes of invincibility just starting to brew inside us dive deep down to where it came from faster than we could pull our hands away.

Some choices, as such, leave us with regrets.  Some are fruitful and some do not even matter much. But every choice we make, every mistake we make teaches us something. One experience is a greater lesson than hundreds of warnings. Like Benjamin Franklin had said, knowing is better than wondering, and waking is better than dreaming. Making choices and making mistakes beats the hell out of never trying. It’s just the way it is, isn’t it? Everyone tells us of the forbidden fruit, but the forbidden fruit tastes the most delicious of all. And so we tend to do what is not meant to be done. We make mistakes, a lot of it. Some graver than others, some leave us with a scar that never heals and some leave a tingling sense of bitterness when we reminisce about them. But that’s the only way to learn. And once we learn it, we try like hell to convince someone else not to go down that path, never realizing that we were told the same thing. That even though how much we convince them, they are bound to make the same mistakes. And sometimes, we too make the same mistake because some mistakes we make over and over, yet never learn. Or we simply ignore them!!!